Stuff I want to see before I leave Texas

I will be moving to California this winter.

Texas sucks.

The coolest thing I did here in Texas took place inside a girl’s restroom back when I was in high school. Well, I won’t tell you what I did, but it kicked ass!
Before I leave Texas, I hope to be able to see certain stuff here for the first time, and hopefully those things will give me lots of memories. So, without any further ado, here is my list.

1.) A midget working at Hooters with big tits- Now, I know what you’re thinking, but what’s sexier than a height-challenged woman working at Hooters with knockers that are guaranteed to give you a boner? If you don’t find this attractive, you suck!

I’m tired of the old-fashioned, tall, ditzy blonde that lies, kisses ass, sucks dick and sleeps with her boss to get her way.

I want to see a 3 foot tall woman working at Hooters. Imagine the midget having a hard time trying to reach some dude’s shoulder, so she can tap it and finally get his attention and ask for his order. But her big, heavy tits make it even harder for her to stand on her toes to reach him. Hilarious!…Yet so sexy.

2.) Little children getting run over by a big truck- Hey, it could happen.

3.) People spontaneously combust- This would definately change my mind about moving.

Texas is always fucking hot, yet nobody explodes from all the heat and electricity. Or melts.

Scientists say that the gas we have in our bodies could cause us to explode, but in order to do that, we need to start some electric spark in our stomach. Of course, we can’t do that.

Shit.

Oh well. I least I still have my dignity.

4.) The Transformers movie- This movie looks so fucking awesome! I’m currently doing lots of things to pass time until the movie is finally out in theaters.

The last movie I saw was “Knocked Up” and it sucked big, sweaty, salty balls. It was a waste of my money, gas money, and most importantly, my precious time.

I had to take a really big piss by the middle of the movie. I thought I was going to finally piss my pants when I got pissed at everyone’s stupidity, I stood up and yelled, “People! THAT SHIT IS NOT FUNNY!”

But everyone ignored me and continued laughing at the movie. They even had a scene in which the main character is giving birth to her baby, of course, she was screaming in pain. And since I had to take a piss, I had sympathy for the stupid bitch.

Now I’m wondering why didn’t I just walk out to take a piss and forget about the movie…

Back to the Transformers Movie: This movie is going to knock you on your ass! I can’t wait for this movie to come out.

5.) Lesbians that actually look like the ones from cable TV- I’ve seen some unattractive lesbians before. Like Rosie O’Donnell, Ellen DeGeneres, Sheryl Swoopes and Billy Joe Armstrong.

That’s how lesbians look like in the real world.

But attractive women are PAID a lot of money to play lesbians in films they are not really interested in the first place. But they do it anyway because they make a lot of money and people love to see their favorite actresses make out with each other.

Sexy lesbians for me…is that too much to ask for?

6.) A dead body with a wallet in its pocket, near a swamp- I’ve seen a dead body near a swamp before. It didn’t have a wallet, though.

7.) My friends from school- I only want to see them in the airport when I leave. And when I see them, I want to see them cry.

I want to see pain and suffering in their eyes. They should feel shattered to know that their king is leaving shitty-ass Texas and going to a better state.

“Please don’t leave, your Majesty!!!”

I would be laughing my ass off.

Well, that’s the list.

I better see big-tittied midgets and I hope Transformers doesn’t suck.

Oh, and one more thing…

Go away.

~ by michaeldealba on June 23, 2007.